Ask Adam and Eve:

Overcoming infidelity - What if they cheat on you?
 

Adam

Want to hear a scary statistic? 25% of American married couples have cheated, according to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. The numbers for un-married cheating are even higher. But fear not, we can help you determine how to tell if she is cheating, and what to do after you catch her cheating.

So, you want to know if she's cheating on you. Here's a list of signs. Note that she might do any one of these things as a part of normal life anyway, because every relationship has its changes, but if you see a bunch of these items all at once, watch out!

1. Unreasonable reactions to simple questions are suspect. If she's getting secretive over questions that she used to answer easily, you may have a problem. If she is freaking out over the questions that she used to give reasonable answers to, or being evasive or defensive about what she is doing (and with who), you may need to be concerned.
2. If she starts spending more and more time around a 'new friend', this may be someone you should be concerned about. Actually cheating may not even ever come into the picture, but the emotional ties that she forms with this guy are cheating none the less. Watch for this especially when she deliberately keeps you and him apart.
3. If she cuts ties to your family, by no longer attending family functions or hanging out with friends, this could be a signal. She may do this because she's feeling guilty and feels uncomfortable around them. If she's feeling guilty, it's going to be harder for her to look your family or friends in the eye, especially if she likes and respects them.
4. Breaks in her regular routine are another sign. Big changes in her weekly pattern may show a change in her priorities... away from you and towards some other guy. Watch for signs that she's becoming busy without any real explanation for why.
5. You might see sudden changes for the worse in your sex life. If she suddenly becomes disinterested in sex, or becomes less spontaneous or excessively restrictive about when you have sex, there may be someone else taking care of her sexual needs. Depression could also be at fault, so watch for her mood when you think you see this sign. If she's generally down, you know it's more likely that she's just not as into it. But if she's chipper as ever, it might get you thinking...
6. Sudden changes of attitude towards you may be a sign. She may become aggressive about nearly anything you do, or begin picking apart everything you do. One of the reasons she might be attacking you is out of guilt. The other side of the coin is apathy - if she suddenly doesn't care about all those things you used to fight about. She may just have finally accepted something about you, but notice if she's also showing a change in attitude. If she's suddenly stopped nagging about all the things she's gone on about for five years, you may have a problem.
7. Too much grooming can tell you she's 'back on the market' - if she's not also showing you more affection at the same time. Why is she getting all dolled up if at the same time she's breaking dinner dates with you? Women buy new clothes all the time, but if she usually asks you about them (if you're her 'sounding board' like with a lot of couples) but lately hasn't, you might wonder why. Is that accompanied by a dramatic change in makeup and hair style as well? These are things to consider...
8. Watch for her becoming too independent. While independence is good, if she goes from referring to the two of you as "we" or "us" for a long time back to "I", it may be a sign that she's pulling away from you. She might also stop being interested or involved in planning things for the two of you to do together. Nothing for sure, but just another sign to be taken along with others from this list.
    

What if she's innocent?

Think she's acting guilty? What's important is to not rush judgement - she may be giving off the signals to get your attention. She may feel there are things wrong with the relationship. Look into it, and start addressing the problem, and the signals may stop. On the other hand, she may actually be cheating. To be sure about your suspicions, ASK HER, or else all you can do is to catch her in the act... Remember, even faithful women do some of the things listed above. You only need to worry if you see a bunch of these signs all at once.

Some men suffer lost confidence even if they haven't been cheated on, and many men have times when stress puts a damper of their sexual drive and performance. For these times, taking a libido enhancer can help, by increasing your body's ability to create more of the hormones that help make you feel strong and lively.

	More testosterone can be made available to the body by using VigRX. The ingredients in VigRX have a testosterone enhancing effect to the body, and will assist you in keeping yourself strong. VigRX™ (www.VigRX.com) can be valuable in keeping your sex drive up while you recover from emotional stress.
	GenF20™ HGH (www.genf20.com) is another hormone-related product that contains ingredients proven to increase you body's ability to produce Human Growth Hormone, sometimes referred to as the 'youth hormone'. Not only can these ingredients assist with sex drive but in increasing mood and energy as well. Keep yourself up while things settle down.
	You might also consider giving her a little extra incentive to be more sexually interested in you by wearing pheromones - chemical attractants - to keep her interested in you. Nexus Pheromones™ (www.NexusPheromones.com) are a brand that has been used by thousands of men to good effect in the dating scene, and will serve you well.

What if she did it?

If she actually was cheating on you, there are a couple of things that need to happen. You may need the help of a 'third party negotiator', a therapist, to help keep the peace while you work things out.

The next thing is to demand that the affair be over, but maintain control of your emotions. You've every right to be mad, but try not to do or say too much in anger or frustration. Let her know you are angry, but then take a walk or head to the gym to work out the anger itself. The road to recovery isn't easy, but the more you keep your head, the more control you have over the situation. Keep your head!

If you want details of the relationship, she should be open to levelling with you - she owes you that. She also has to convince you that she won't have another affair, which means she should be willing to make promises and commitments for the future. Most of all, she'll need to understand that it's going to take time for you to recover your trust in her, if the relationship is going to continue.

Guys, don't let your ego make you think 'it'll never happen to me'. It can, and for an unlucky few of us, it will. And if it happens to you, part of your recovery should be to look at it as an opportunity to address the relationship issues you may not have been aware existed before. If you stay together, it can very likely make your relationship stronger than ever.
 

Eve

Cheating - now that's a hot topic! Let me start by saying that a lot of men don't even really know what cheating is, or at least this is what it seems like to me. Let me make this a little more clear for you. Then I'll say a little about what it takes for us to forgive you...

So what do we consider cheating? Simply put, if there's potential for us to get hurt, it's cheating. Many will argue that cybersex and close 'other sex' friendships can be considered cheating. I consider anything that you can't talk openly to your partner about as cheating. Even if it means nothing to you, dry humping or oral sex is still sex in her eyes, and therefore, cheating. Ok, enough about that.

Will we forgive you?

For those of you men who don't already know, a lot of women think there is such a thing as 'forgivable cheating' and 'unforgivable cheating'. Most of us can (but may decide not to) forgive you for a minor cheat. We'd like to believe that you can be the man we see in you. Enough ego stroking!

But it's true that some women will forgive, where others won't. A lot us will forgive you for a one night stand, but not for a secret relationship.

A one night stand seems more forgivable because it usually means you didn't really care about her. If you really like her, we'll be a lot more hurt, and then you're in really big trouble.

While most women agree that some cheating isn't worth ending a marriage over, if we're only dating, it's probably over. Both are bad, but you are less likely to lose us if you can convince us that 'it meant nothing'. Some of us may not leave you if it only happens once, but don't be surprised if we try to 'get even' - then we can forgive you. What's good for the goose...

But even if we do forgive you, chances are pretty good that paranoia will end the relationship anyway. Once the trust is gone, it takes a lot to recover. It's just a fact of life. 

If there has been cheating, you have two choices - stay together or break up. If you stay together, things will have to change. If you decide to break up, well... that's a change too! Hopefully you can salvage a friendship out of it, or at least not remain bitter after the healing has been done. 

If women are looking for a good way to get back at you they might try:

• Keeping tabs on every move you make. If you're not home when you say you will be, we're going to be upset. Can you blame us? This will eventually die down with most of us, but expect many months of it first.
• Spending a lot of time around male friends. We do this to 'give you a taste of your own medicine', which you may or may not take easily! We usually don't cheat, but we will want you to think so, and act as upset as we felt when we found out.
• Some of us (and I'm not one of this type) might just cheat right back! Friends have told me that this kind of sex really isn't any good, but some of us will do it anyway! We girls have our pride, and we don't like being taken for a fool. Some of us cheat just to make ourselves feel better and recover some of our lost pride, if that makes any sense.
• Use it against you for years! Every time you get into a fight, she might just throw down the 'cheat' card.
  

Work is required - things change

Things are going to change no matter what! Cheating tests forgiveness and trust like nothing else, and if the relationship is strong, you can survive and rebuild. But if either one of you isn't trusting or forgiving enough, the relationship is in peril. You BOTH have to value each other more than anything else in order to put things back together. Otherwise it may just be better to call it quits.

	As I'm sure Adam agrees, no matter what, you're going to need to be MORE of a man while this stuff all settles out. Control your mood and stay strong with a product like VigRX™ (www.VigRX.com) (which increases testosterone) and GenF20™ HGH (www.genf20.com). GenF20 also works really well for women, both as a 'mood lifter' and as a booster to physical health and energy levels.
	If you've messed up, she may not want to sleep with you for a while... Because of the hurt, her sexual drive may shut down for some time. IF you can convince her to take a supplement like Provestra™ (www.provestra.com), it can help to support her libido and get her back in the mood. But don't expect any miracles!

My advice: before you do anything, put yourself in her shoes, and ask "could I handle her doing this to me?" Consider that anything you've ever done behind her back, she's done behind yours. Are you comfortable with that?

Better think twice then, eh champ?

Insider Sex Tips Newsletter